Welcome back, degenerates! This week’s market chaos is set to be one of the most action-packed of the season. We've got tech giants, industrial heavyweights, and everything in between stepping up to the plate. Stack those puts, buckle up, and let’s break down what's coming and why it matters.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 29

ALPHABET (GOOGL) – After the Bell

The digital ad king’s crown is slipping. Things just aren’t what they used to be—and YouTube's feeling the heat from TikTok and Instagram Reels. The big question: will their AI plays be the free money glitch they promised, or are we watching another tech giant go full GUH?

STANLEY BLACK & DECKER (SWK) – Before the Bell

Hardware doesn’t usually move the needle, but don’t sleep on this one. SWK's performance could tell us a lot about consumer spending and housing market health. This DIY giant is struggling to navigate a market that’s playing dodgeball with mortgage rates. Expect volatility as they try to convince us that power drills are still recession-proof.

ADVANCED MICRO DEVICES (AMD) – After the Bell

All eyes are on AMD after Intel's lukewarm performance last week. AMD is either going to shock everyone and moon AI tendies or confirm fears that the semiconductor market is slipping. Diamond hands will be tested. Watch this one go full send or get rekt trying.

Tuesday's Market Movers:

S&P CoreLogic Case-Shiller Home Price Index (August): Expect housing prices that defy gravity and logic.
Job Openings (September): Let’s see if employers are still desperate or if the job market’s losing steam.
Consumer Confidence (October): It’s been on a bit of a bender lately. Are consumers still feeling invincible?

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 30

GE HEALTHCARE (GEHC) – Before the Bell

One of the lesser-known GE offspring, and honestly, it’s a coin flip on whether this is a growth story or a snoozefest. Position or ban if you're feeling regarded enough to play this one. If you’re long on medical devices, maybe there’s something here, but otherwise, good luck.

ELI LILLY (LLY) – Before the Bell

Keep your eyes on Eli Lilly's diabetes business. With new treatments hitting the market at record pace, Big Pharma's golden child has been stack ranking those gains like DFV in his prime. But the real excitement? Their pipeline updates. If they drop god-tier trial results we could be watching this thing gap up, and fast.

META (META) – After the Bell

Meta’s Reality Labs is a black hole sucking down billions, and we’re all just here for the ride. The real story here is whether Threads and their AI investments can start generating enough revenue to justify the Reality Labs money pit. If Zuck doesn’t turn this ship around, they’ll continue to burn cash fast.

MICROSOFT (MSFT) – After the Bell

This original tech giant has been riding high on AI hype and cloud dominance. Azure growth numbers will be everything—even a slight slowdown could send tech stocks into a tizzy. Watch for any OpenAI partnership updates too. One slowdown and the whole sector's going down, which could be a buzzkill for Big Tech believers.

NEXTRACKER (NXT) – After the Bell

This solar tracking company is on thin ice, especially with renewable energy subsidies on the chopping block. This could be a rough ride, gang. They'll need to show strong fundamental growth to offset these macro concerns, or sentiment could turn quickly.

STARBUCKS (SBUX) – After the Bell

The coffee giant's loyalty program should serve up strong numbers, but there's a bitter aftertaste: soaring labor costs and a complicated Chinese market are threatening to water down profits. Keep an eye on international growth numbers—without them, that premium valuation could start looking excessive.

Wednesday's Main Events:

ADP Employment Report (October): Job numbers are key, especially as rate hikes threaten to throttle hiring.
GDP Estimate (Q3): First peek at Q3 growth, and everyone’s watching to see if it’s slowing down enough to keep the Fed hawks at bay.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31

AMAZON (AMZN) – After the Bell

Bezos' baby better deliver. Amazon’s costs are spiking, and they’re up against major consumer fatigue. The forecast will be key—if they drop a weak one, expect the sell-off to get spicy. Things could shift quicker than robinhood removing the buy button.

APPLE (AAPL) – After the Bell

You know what it is: It’s Apple, so it’ll be a circus no matter what. iPhone sales, China FUD, and MacBook demand are in the spotlight. The Street wants to see growth beyond just hardware sales—let’s see if they deliver. You may need some serious hopium.

EATON (ETN) – Before the Bell

This boomer stock is trying to convince us they're actually a tech play. Eaton’s been pushing hard into EV infrastructure, and any upside here will only fuel the hype. Watch for forward-looking statements—if they’re still bullish, so will be the market.

LINDE PLC (LIN) – Before the Bell

Normies sleep on gas merchants, and listen: the chemical giant isn’t flashy, but its massive footprint in industrial gasses could hint at larger economic trends. Revenue dumps = sector in shambles. Not as fire as 0DTEs but plenty of degens love this stuff.

COTERRA ENERGY (CTRA) – After the Bell

Energy’s been volatile, but Coterra’s earnings could shed light on oil and gas demand. If they’re struggling, we might see energy stocks take a hit. Oil bulls might need to switch from lambos to … you know.

Notable Events on Thursday:

Initial Jobless Claims: Who’s getting laid off and how fast? We’ll see if companies are cutting costs in time for the holiday shopping season.

POSITIONS OR BAN

Calls on $AMD if they surprise the market with strong AI performance.
Puts on $META if Reality Labs disappoints (again).
Short $SBUX if international growth flops, otherwise look for $ROPE.

TL;DR

It’s a high-stakes week, with earnings across every major sector and economic reports that could slap us with the reality check we’ve all been avoiding. Stay sharp, keep an eye on the tape, and remember: not financial advice—I eat crayons.

See you behind Wendy’s!

Tea Leaves

Prepare for an Earnings Bloodbath and Economic FOMO